I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
