Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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