There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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