1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
