Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
