Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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