Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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