If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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