Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
