Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
my poor anus
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
