Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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