i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just blew my weed a kiss
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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