she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
