A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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