yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
