my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
