I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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