Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
