he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
