I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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