**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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