One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
