He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
