first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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