I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
