I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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