SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
