the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
