I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
