if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
