I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
