What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
