yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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