My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
