Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize