I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
