She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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