His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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