whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
