I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
50% drunk capacity currently
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
