My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
