I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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