my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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