new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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