i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
