Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
