I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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