My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
not ubering you a puppy
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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