i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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