The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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