You're completely useless in the revolution.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
