I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
