I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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