I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
