butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
