he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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