I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
