You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's rum buckets o'clock
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
