dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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