I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
