based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize