I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
