people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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