I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
