I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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