And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
