Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
