So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
