How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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