And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
