areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
