I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize