the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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