my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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