i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
