Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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