party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
