I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
