Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
