dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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