hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
