birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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