so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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