Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
