I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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