found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
