I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
