so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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