either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
