What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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