he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
