wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
