Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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