Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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