I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
