i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
