It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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