I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
