it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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