Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think people are normalizing furries
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
