i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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