Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Quick, to the slutcave!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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