if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
